The "pick me" fallacy

And why anyone who uses it is automatically forfeiting their logical thinking skills

If you’ve spent any amount of time discussing the errors of feminism on the internet, you’ve probably been called a “pick me” at least once.

If you haven’t, this is a term that implies that a woman is only defending men or criticizing feminism because she wants a man to “pick” her.

And, of course, despite the fact that I am a 39-year-old wife of 15 years with two children and a mortgage, I get called this all the time, to my great amusement.

I usually just tease the commentor that he already “picked me” or, more accurately, that I picked him, because the use of this slur isn’t really worth responding to as its use indicates the poor faith of whoever is hurling it.

The truth is, that to call someone a “pick me” is a classic example of both a genetic fallacy and an ad hominem, meaning a person ought to feel much dumber by using the term you ought to feel if you are ever the recipient of it.

When someone uses a logical fallacy to undermine a point you are making, they are, I repeat, not worth responding to along those terms.

First of all, a genetic fallacy is the fallacy that claims that the source (“genus”) of a statement undermines its veracity.

For example, suppose someone says, “Chlorine isn’t bad for you,” and you disagree. Instead of offering evidence to back up their claim, they respond instead by saying, “Well, you don’t even like swimming pools, so of course I’m not going to take your opinion seriously.”

Whether or not you enjoy swimming pools has no bearing on the chemical effects of chlorine, even if chlorine is perfectly safe. Dismissing your argument because of a presumed motive or personal preference is a textbook genetic fallacy.

Another classic real-life example would be women who claim “no uterus, no opinion,” as in, men can’t have opinions on abortion because they cannot biologically bear children. Even if men weren’t impacted by abortion (which they absolutely are), they can still clearly form moral opinions on abortion or state facts about abortion that are either true or false, regardless of whether or not they have a uterus.

So, the same applies when I say something like: “Women could have bank accounts before feminism, contrary to popular talking points. What a lot of people don’t understand is how coverture laws worked for married couples.”

I could be the most desperate, insecure “pick me” that ever did want to be picked, it is still illogical to respond to a claim like this by calling me “a pick me.”

It’s also a sacrifice of basic debate, because one could easily just say, “well, the laws before feminism were still oppressive to women,” which would be a real retort to my claim and one I’d respect far more.

Calling an anti-feminist woman a “pick me” is also, of course, a classic ad hominem attack, a logical fallacy you may be more familiar with.

“Ad hominem” means “on the man” or “against the person” and is very similar to a genetic fallacy in that it is an attack on the person making the argument, not the argument itself.

These are incredibly common, of course, any time you’re called “racist” for criticizing contemporary immigration policy or raising concerns about inner city crime, or a man is called a “misogynist” for criticizing feminist policy or raising concerns about how feminism impacts men (or women, children, and families).

An ad hominem attack is a forfeiture of making an argument, and while it may be very triggering to be insulted, it is an insult to the person making the argument, not to you.

The truth is, the vast majority of women who criticize feminism do so because they notice something is “off” about the way feminism has impacted our culture and society.

This is completely valid, even if your arguments aren’t always solid, because everyone is prone to logical fallacies, regardless of their beliefs.

You are allowed to criticize feminism. You’re not a “pick me,” you’re just a woman who thinks for herself. Even if you have issues with men, as so many women do in the age of post-feminism, even if you desperately want your own man or do struggle with desiring male approval, you’re still allowed to criticize feminism on a logical basis.

Besides, I guarantee you’re far more likely to be “picked” if you simply don’t hate men.

If you’d like to learn more about logical fallacies, I highly recommend the book Fallacy Detective. It’s written for middle school age and above, but I promise you many adults would greatly benefit from it! Feel free to use my affiliate link above or look for it on ThriftBooks.